A female tale of baleful males

This is a true story. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Alice. Alice is a tall, willowy, pretty 28 year old woman. She is well-educated, has a great sense of humor accompanied by a lilting laugh. She is witty, smart, good natured and wholesome looking. Have you a picture of Alice in your head?

Alice's chosen career was human resources/industrial relations. Her early career steps walked her into a field dominated by men who, and I generalize, value women only in the biblical sense. I feared the only attention Alice would garner from this group would be the wolf-whistle. She proved me wrong. In a short period of time she became the least hated management employee.

One day on the job site a crew of workers, and for the purpose of this story only they will be called the Teamsters, started to intimidate and bully other workers who were not part of their union. Some non-Teamsters were threatening to pull out of the job site. Alice's boss came in with one directive - fix it!

Alice gathered the bullies in the boardroom and began to employ every academic strategy she knew in the art of negotiation, mediation and settlement. Hours dragged on with no sign of success in sight.

The Alice did what every shrewd woman would do. The elephant in the room reminded her that this beast survived as a result of shared memories passed on through the matriarch. She thought of her family matriarchs. What was it that granny used to say? "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." She blurted out: "If I order in ten buckets of KFC could we resolve this by noon and get back to work?" A resounding "YES" reverberated off the paneled walls. And after some finger-licking good chicken everyone returned to work and they all lived happily ever after.

But this got Alice to thinking of wisdom passed along through family matriarchs. What was it that Mom once told her. ? Oh yea: "When you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow." She stored that away for another day.

Alice is well on her way to a successful career.